December 2011
1 post
9 tags
Is fat okay?
I am 28 and driven to depression, thinking myself fat and undeserving of the name “beautiful.”
To me, thin is beautiful. Not for everyone— the plus sized model who recently graced, grabbed, shook the crap out of Glamour Magazine’s traditionally skin-and-bones model bodies, I kiss your feet, girl. You rock. Thin is beautiful for me. Thin is a necessary Jodi commodity.
...
October 2011
2 posts
6 tags
How will you know the right time to start a...
It’s not time to start a family yet. I know this. When I think with my head, reasons like poor professional timing, not enough savings, still prioritizing playtime, me, mine over unconditional giving. Yeah, I’m that twenty-something.
But my sense is, that not all of these intellectual benchmarks beginning to grow, evolve will make me any more ready. I have a feeling it will just be...
5 tags
What is your greatest relationship contribution?
I recently started working Cerra™, an inspiring new website that’s helping busy women embrace personal awareness, act with thoughtful intention, and reflect on our experiences, thus leading to a happier and more balanced life. Their organizational philosophy is rooted in what they call the Seven Intentions— Creative Energy, Gratitude, Courage, Wisdom, Loving Kindness, Grounded and...
September 2011
1 post
7 tags
What if you let it all go?
There was this little kid screaming on my flight last night. Screaming and crying. Pissed that he was cramped and stuck in a tiny space with not enough room to stretch-out and cuddle with his blanket. (Okay, okay… I filled in the blanks about his psychological state… the point is: the kid was crying). He’s just expressing what all of us are feeling, I thought as I felt my knees rub against the...
August 2011
2 posts
5 tags
How do you strive for balance?
I attended an Ignite Boulder speech months ago. Months ago and I still can’t, can’t, can’t get this speech-topic out of my head: How much negative space do you have in your life?
I return to the question and immediately notice the tension that flows, like coarse waves, over my narrow shoulders, pooling around my lower back, through my stomach and into my brain stem. I am tense, stressed, hot and...
6 tags
What is the ROI on networking?
Networking. The dreaded term. The act, we all put on. Some better than others. Some just plain hideously. And when I say hideously I don’t mean without skill. I mean intending payback.
We all know people who call themselves good “networkers”—shake so-and-so’s hand while walking into dinner, name-drop “My good friend, Mr. Blah Ba Blah” mid-conversation, get invited to events based on...
July 2011
2 posts
6 tags
What Are You Waiting for, Cinderella?
We all grew up on Cinderella. High on “Forever After” and Dot, dot, dot.
We expect, on some powerful, inexplicable level that “love” means BOOM! It means immediate, it means definite, it means certain. I’m 27… there is lots I don’t know… but I do know this: Love, the forever kind, cannot always be captured in a 20 page children’s book.
It’s more complicated… and necessarily, beautifully so.
I...
8 tags
What does it mean to never say quit?
It’s not enough to simply run, swim, bike. Endurance athletes like to do it for ridiculous distances. Stretching our bodies and spirits in ways that are “impossible” for most. 13 mile bike? Bah! I’ll take your 13 miles and raise you 99 miles (as in the Ironman Race). WE LIKE IT. We want more, and more, and more. We change our diet, our sleep, our routine, our home-life, work-life....
June 2011
2 posts
6 tags
When is it okay to lie?
I used to feel morally compelled to TELL THE TRUTH, even if it meant bulldozing someone else’s emotional comfort. But then, this one time, I tried the lying bit—just a little guy: “Congratulations!” I exclaimed. “I’m so happy for you.” When truthfully, I thought the now-fiancé was a complete moron. The result? It worked! My friend smiled. Probably knowing, deep down, that I had other opinions,...
8 tags
If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in...
When he is in love with you…
1. He stares at you like you are the most beautiful woman in the world
2. He finds ways to spontaneously show you that he loves you- in tiny details, in tiny moments, every day
3. He lets you take the spotlight, and he assumes the position of shadow- ever framing your brilliance
4. He will do anything for you, and it’s not a burden: it’s his joy and...
May 2011
2 posts
4 tags
How do you know when something is right?
It’s time to add a little OY! into my professional life. You know that, “Whooooa, that is sohoho cool,” that resonates somewhere in your everything? It’s time. I am happiest avec un challenge. I love to push, push, push. That’s when I feel the most alive.
I don’t need a job. I have a nearly a full schedule of clients and the income to back it… but last week I happened upon a job posting and I...
5 tags
Do you take responsibility for your commitments?
James Dean is Italian—big time. There are roads and mansions in Firenze that are named after him. And like any good Italian, James gets together with his family for meatballs and marinara, seafood salad and eggplant Parmesan, homemade Ciabatta and imported extra virgin olive oil, every week.
During one of these gatherings, I spent a fair amount of time chatting with J.D.’s Dad—a hardworking,...
April 2011
1 post
7 tags
Do you appreciate sacrificing for success?
I came home tonight and our house smells like you—like boy. Some sort of man-body-wash, mixed with musky-something, topped with the rich smell of your clean, Italian skin. And I smiled for a second… wondering if you were going to greet me from the living room. But the house was still as it often is.
James Dean is a bartender. And I hate it.
His professional life consists of a 70-hour...
March 2011
4 posts
5 tags
Will you run with me?
I used to run feverishly as a child. Downhill especially, tiptoeing, heel-toeing over rocks and thorns and shrubs. I ran with such speed! I loved to hear air scooping into my ears. I would hum softly as I ran, and in an original tune—as if I were channeling the great M.J. and creating the theme song to my own life.
I felt free, guided by gravity and inertia. Carefully cared for—one pointed—in...
5 tags
Why won't you let yourself fall?
I love James Dean… more than anything. More than pickles even. And I really do love pickles.
It almost isn’t love—To say that I love him would assume that I, the lover, is separate from him, the loved. And that just isn’t so. I is Him. I is Him.
Late last night he told me that he couldn’t promise me that he would love me always… He said that he could guarantee there would be times when I would...
5 tags
How do you pick your poison?
Decaf. I drink decaf coffee now. Ever since my early January 14-day liver cleanse (that restricted on all things holy), I have kept myself caffeine-free. And I feel epic.
But apparently decaf contains roofing tar, or laundry detergent, or some sludge full of nasty, nasty chemicals. This is according to a wildly opinionated woman who decided to share with me (over my decaf coffee) just how noxious...
How much heart and how much head do you use to...
2010 was my year of internal revolution.
I mean, “feelings” have always been a part of my decision making process. An itsy bitsy part… like maybe a garnish or a condiment or something. The meat and potatoes? My intimate, full-fledged relationship with my CHECKLIST. Let me introduce you….
CHECKLIST was born in a small town called Self-Doubt, located right on the outskirts of Anal-Retentive. It’s...
February 2011
4 posts
9 tags
What makes you worthy of love?
The pause in the room this evening was torturous. I was panicking. Mind grabbing at the empty space between when I repeated my friend’s question, “What makes me worthy of love…? 5 REASONS??” and the horrific BLANK the followed. I thought of the generic, “I’m a unique expression of the Divine.” Or some shit like that.
Then another blank. And more panic. There has to be something… I thought.
And...
3 tags
When’s the last time you told yourself how...
In the land of women, it is simply not okay to give yourself an out loud compliment. Not without a manicured buffet of apologies and qualifiers and modifiers and fuck(!) I-didn’t-mean-to-let-that-self-promotion-slip self-judgment.
“I, Jodi Dey, am gorgeous. No question. Stunning. And smart, too. Woooo… I’ve got some sharpness that’s surely enviable. My skin is uncomfortably soft, hair naturally...
6 tags
How did they help you discover?
It turns out… some of it was my fault.
Even without M, I still feel the compulsion to take responsibility for the people who are closest to me—even when, especially when, they don’t ask.
I still believe self-sacrifice is the most powerful expression of love and sacrifice myself, silently, automatically, and without request. And then resent it later.
I still try to control… everything.
I still...
2 tags
How do you know when you're a little bit nuts?
This is how I know I’m a little bit crazy:
I resent mismatched hangers.
Last night I scrubbed my kitchen sink with a Clorox and a turquoise colored toothbrush. And slept better because of it.
I store my underpants in slender plastic “intimates” trays, first by color, then by style.
I have an unnatural amount of affection for my Swiffer Mop (and someday may leave James Dean for whoever invented...
January 2011
6 posts
4 tags
If you spoke from your place of truth, what would...
NEWS FLASH: James Dean and I are moving in together.
I am excited about picking out an epic set of white linens, deciding on the exact placement of his gaudy orange espresso machine, and knowing that we will introduce more and more co-creation into our relationship as co-habiters.
But I’m scared, too…
A year ago, I was a duck farmer, duck organizer, duck evaluator, duck liner upper. And I...
5 tags
Do You Want To Get Married?
I insulate myself in the guise of “independence,” “autonomy,” “power”, but if I’m being honest, the ship of I-Wanna-Man set sail right around the time I discovered how lovely Barbie looks with Ken (and how sad she looks without him). I mean, I don’t think I would DIE if I couldn’t fool one into marrying me (I hope you are wearing your earmuffs, James Dean). No, no. Certainly, I would continue to...
6 tags
How Do You Learn How To Trust?
I discovered another little piece of ugly in me tonight. I am ashamed of this piece. She probably deserves to be drop kicked in the groin. But (alternatively!) here, Piece, take the mic…
One of my lifelong friends got engaged tonight—after eleven years of dating the guy—and I turned my head from the (text message) news with distain. QUICK! Running through all the reasons I just knew it wasn’t...
4 tags
Top Hazards of Dating a (Chick) Blogger
1) If you are mean to us, your penis size may just happened find its way onto the Internet
2) Your mistakes are expressed and discussed in real-time not only with friends and family, but potentially every online human being in the world
3) Our make-outs, breakups, and make-ups—with other dudes—are described in unnerving detail
4) People you don’t know will comment on any reason...
4 tags
So You're My Soul Mate, Now What?
So yeah, our souls connect or whatev. But it turns out he’s still dude, and I’m still a chick, I’m still a Jodi and he’s still a James Dean. So we’ve got stuff—DAMN-IT!! Thought the whole soul mate thing was going to rescue me from all that WORK shit? No? Oh stop nodding your head, loser. Sooooo I took a short ride in la-la land. We all gotta vay-cay from sanity every now and again… right?
This...
5 tags
Do you need an apology from yourself?
I’ve been mentally demanding an apology from M for weeks. My inner anger ball, with angry tenor expects it. I imagine myself plopped on a throne of some sort—golden, bedazzled—and he is kneeling before me. Repeating that he’s sorry. Hands folded in prayer.
Here is another truth about Ms. Dey: I often figure out how I’m feeling by talking through it. This time, the mental A-HA!...
December 2010
5 posts
4 tags
Is part of having balance, losing balance?
After 27 years of vegetarianism, I’ve started to eat red meat, one timid but determined bite at a time. It started with the serendipitous discovery of the Pizza Bianca: herbed ricotta, bresaola, arugula, truffle oil, grana padana. Ignorant of the four-legged ingredients, I ordered it while dining with my two best dude friends in early November. Matthew, the owner of the restaurant, sold me on the...
5 tags
How many personalities do you have?
“Bet you’re glad you don’t have to deal with my shit anymore,” I self-consciously finished my email to M. It was a response to his unexpected e-note where he informed me (after three months of zero contact) that he has been reading my blog. And knows. Everything. He wonders how it’s possible that I could have discovered LIFE (real, live, life with love and tenderness...
6 tags
How much self-loathing do you take into the...
I am getting fat. All six feet of me. Well, actually just the middle section. Stretched out frog. Green and protruding. I am wearing my fat jeans. They are rubber-banding me right under my belly-button (maybe they are castrating me into two sections?). I am waist-ed.
I blame James. He makes me fresh gnocchi. And I mean the real doughy shit—imports the flour form Italy, the Olive Oil from Italy....
Who is asking?
One of my readers asked me this a couple of week ago… and here is the simple answer. Who is asking? Ahhhh, I donno yet.
I mean, I could take a couple of incomplete stabs—like self-investigator, inspector and promoter of all things love, aspiring truth-sayer, protagonist in my own love story, intern of the healing arts, wounded puppy. I mean really… I am confusing, multi-faceted, evolution hungry....
5 tags
I’m in love with him, so why can’t I change my...
Dear Soul Mate,
Thanks for detailing my car yesterday. I could lick coffee ice-cream off of the steering wheel it’s so clean (well, it might taste like coffee/Armor-All ice-cream, but…). And when I get into it I think what a lucky frickin’ gal I am. To have you and your surprises and your gorgeous green eyes and your Vidal Sassoon hair and…. Ahem…
But I still can’t claim you as mine on...
November 2010
5 posts
The Frenemy.: How To Make Eggs After A Breakup →
thefrenemy:
:( :( :( :( :(
Wake up in a tissue ball wearing the outfit that you wore last night. Allow the pain and memories to wash over you not unlike a large ocean wave. Go back to sleep as your eyes are basically swollen shut from all of the crying you have done. Wake up again three hours later and…
8 tags
Do you choose happiness or love?
I thought about M today and cried, violently, for the first time in weeks. Dipped into the part of my canned heart that remembers the way his skin smells after he showers, before he sprays cologne and charges quickly through it.
He is deliberate like that—folds his towels the same way every time, ribbon facing out, creating a pattern in the stack. He is concerned with proportion and aesthetics and...
5 tags
If you can’t measure it, does it exist?
So apparently 94% of twenty-somethings believe in soul mates. Soul. Mates. Souls that merge, have intercourse, dunk into each other‘s personal bits. Wiggle around and feel better together. And according to that same article, 87% of us think that we are going to end up marrying that one, predestined person, who makes us stronger, faster, and more perfect. Oh, and then? Dot, dot, dot. Here is where...
6 tags
What are you grateful for today?
I am grateful.
I just celebrated my 27th birthday. And now I’m suddenly close to the female version of immediate, necessary DEATH- 30 years old- and I have mixed feelings. Planned by nature, proactive, controlled, this is not where I thought I would be at my age. IN CONTROL ended up slapping me in the face (the whore), and telling me to get a fucking life, in Boulder of all places. So...
Grace's New Blog!
It is so beautiful! So happy.
jacquelinemercedes:
My roommate Grace launched her new project/ food blog last week! Its beautiful, inspiring AND she has already hosted me on it :)
Check out my vegan pumpkin pie… And all the other recipes of course!
http://gracefullplate.com/
October 2010
8 posts
What are you motivated by?
Clutching my final glass of Cab Sauv at the Blending Cellar last night, I leaned over and whispered to James Dean, ”You can change the world.” He looked at me, pulled his head back to gain FOCUS, furrowed his eyebrows. “Why did you just say that…?” I paused. Um, this is was not the reaction I was anticipating. I said it because I believe it. I believe in him. I believe that HE IS GIFTED. And...
Could these 4 questions really capture your life?
Ahhhhh, I feel like I’m forwarding a, well, forward. But this one is GOOOD. Let’s see if it works as a blog post.
Please answer the following questions (first impulse, don’t think too much) and later today I’ll tell you what the answers to these questions mean:
1) What is your favorite color and why?
2) What is your favorite animal and why?
3) You are given a white...
What is Romance?
What a week, yo. Birthday fricking month. Too much (just enough?) every-thing. Booze, highly caloric food, I love yous, and ONE woops-ex-boyfriend-forgot-my-birthday. Damn, man. I need a vacation. JUST TO DIGEST IT ALL.
(Maybe my nasal congestion is actually emotional congestion destined for on the couch, red-nosed, tissues in hand, I might die sickness.)
Sooooo anywaaaaay, like any normal person,...
7 tags
Am I grieving the loss of hope?
He didn’t do anything for my birthday. And I’ve been saying that it’s okay… and it IS okay… it’s okay… really… it’s good and beautiful and natural and understandable and means that he is letting me go and that he’s moving on… and I want him to, because I am… I want him to let me go…
So why can’t I stop crying?
I thought he might have sent me flowers—two-dozen long stemmed red roses that were...
3 tags
Why didn’t I know men were built this way?
I would like to take my hat off (and hell, while I’m at it maybe my pants off) to the manufacturer of one Mr. James Dean, Mr. Italian GQ, Mr. Hugh Jackman’s younger brother, Mr. oh-my-fucking-god-you-take-my-breath-away. You done good. I didn’t know men were built this way. So much care you took on this model! Bra-vo. I give it a five out of five. Two thumbs up—-waaaaay up. Standing...
What does it take for you to rise up?
So I hear that you love me, and want to be with me, and apparently have a thick understanding of what I need in a man. But what is this shit about you not being in a place where you have X to offer me? You know what I have to say about that? MAN-the-FUCK-up. Yeah, I mean it. Mold yourself, grow, evolve. Get. It. Done.
You are the only person in control of your life. You are the only one who can...
Does your garbage fit with mine?
We all got stuff—ugly, putrid, forgotten, unseen. Bits of relationships-gone-south, ripped into leaflets, pages worn. Mama-and-Papa-done-me-wrong memorandums, tin-canned, recycled and recycling. Cursed self-images. Pornographic, unfiltered, I’ll-deal-with-THAT-eventually, rubbish. A whole barrel, for most of us. A landfill for some.
I don’t miss his garbage—I don’t miss feeling like if I didn’t...
What happened to romance?
Dear Romeo, I used to crave you. In Real Life. Used to think that you’d climb into my heart, conquer my thorn encrusted rose garden. Done. I’d be hooked on phonics (works for me). You’d comfort me sweetly, mon amour, husshhh, mon amour. Drop the mother f-ing L-BOMB every other minute. And I’d eat it up—like mango chutney, all tastes tickled and satisfied. It was a fantasy I sunk my teeth into—made...
September 2010
13 posts
Who were you at 16?
I don’t think we ever really grow up, evolve, change. No, no… we accumulate. So I am still who I was at 12, 17, 24. A composite of selves. Sometimes I speak like I am AB-SOL-UTELY better, different, remodeled. But that shit ain’t true. Parts of myself will always be a teenager, a child, an early twenty-something (oh-my-lord-have-mercy I can’t believe I can say that). Parts...
By what criteria do you just the quality of a...
By how many secrets I am compelled to share and how quickly I choose to reveal my good/bad or ugly/beautiful.
How is love like an egg?
Perhaps the human heart is captured in an eggshell. And our reservoir of love begins incased, as liquid, yellow, playful, pristine. Perhaps through the heated company of a lover we begin to slowly cook and become more and more solid, resilient, able to be reshaped, and bumped around a bit without CRACKING. Perhaps before heat is applied we roll about guarding against accidentally slamming our...
Are you doing the best you can?
I find that every decision I make is inevitably an opportunity cost—sleep an hour less to hang out with you-may-kill-me-now-because-this-IS-as-good-as-it-gets good looking boy (ok, four hours less), basket-case, nap. No bah-logging, bah-rain-storming, no work, no work-out, no friend time, no home cooked fabulousity. Nadda. Damn gurl. You’re a shit show. But he did tell me I am the sexiest thing...
How many lies do you tell every day?
Of course I am not wearing makeup. Phah, don’t be silly. My lashes are twelve inches long naturally. And I don’t have hair that grows in strange, unexplainable places. And I guess I just inherited my Mom’s flawless, porcelain skin— lucky me. And actually, I was born with big, sexy hair AND painted toenails… obviously.
I want to be with someone who falls in love...