1) If you are mean to us, your penis size may just happened find its way onto the Internet

2) Your mistakes are expressed and discussed in real-time not only with friends and family, but potentially every online human being in the world

3) Our make-outs, breakups, and make-ups—with other dudes—are described in unnerving detail

4) People you don’t know will comment on any reason you’re a “douche canoe” or “motherfucker”

5) You cannot send an email post breakup without being quoted

6) Our fights are archived and relived indefinitely

7) Men all over the Internet are secretly pining for us