2010 was my year of internal revolution. 

I mean, “feelings” have always been a part of my decision making process. An itsy bitsy part… like maybe a garnish or a condiment or something. The meat and potatoes? My intimate, full-fledged relationship with my CHECKLIST. Let me introduce you….

CHECKLIST was born in a small town called Self-Doubt, located right on the outskirts of Anal-Retentive. It’s a generally conservative town, traditional, slow paced. Folks from those parts typically keep to themselves. It’s quiet, known for its exceptional academic institutions, scientific research facilities, and innovative ho-hummery.

BUT after years of relationship with and dependence on my CHECKLIST, I realized she had not helped me out much. She was actually kinda stupid, truth be told. And I wasn’t sure if I wanted her around anymore.

The alternative?

I had heard a rumor about so-called “feelings” around the same time I started noticing what felt like a tremor in my chest, in my gut, behind my heart. Sometimes a flip-flop, some times a purr or a whine. Little vibrations here and there. And I thought—what is this THING??

SUDDENLY(!) I got it! Yes, YES! I think it is! It’s what they call a FEEEEEELINGGGG!

As I noticed these feelings, they grew stronger and more distinct. One, clearly depicting fear, another discomfort, another worry, another knowingness, another repulsion, another the front-end of an insight. I started working with these feelings, capturing them, giving them names and meaning. And they became my quiet army. My army of senses, insight, intuition, wisdom. My brain now operates only to encapsulate them, right… THERE(!) and translate them into words and TO-DO items.

And shit-son, I’ve realized how utterly inferior my mind is. Truly. What a Neanderthal I have been all my life!!! Why THINK when you can KNOW?? Think to produce spreadsheets, think to deduce order, think to calculate. But don’t THINK to make decisions.

FEEL, dammit. Feel to make decisions. We already know the answer. Just ask.