I used to feel morally compelled to TELL THE TRUTH, even if it meant bulldozing someone else’s emotional comfort. But then, this one time, I tried the lying bit—just a little guy: “Congratulations!” I exclaimed. “I’m so happy for you.” When truthfully, I thought the now-fiancé was a complete moron. The result? It worked! My friend smiled. Probably knowing, deep down, that I had other opinions, but grateful that I was choosing to keep them to myself. AND IN THAT MOMENT… I realized how little service I was doing by not telling little lies here and there. By uninterruptedly telling the truth, I had hurt feelings, caused tension, created drama, and on and on.

These liars, I thought… they’re really onto something.

The truth is, none of us like to hurt feelings. (No like-ey! Nooo like-ey!) Even if it’s for some higher good or “their own good” or whatever. On some level, when we hurt another person, we hurt, too. And we don’t like to feel pain. None of us like to feel pain. And so it (reasonably) goes that the liar lies to avoid making someone else feel pain so that the liar herself can avoid feeling pain. And the lied-to allows the lie to be told (even when we know it’s not truth) so that the lied-to does not have to feel pain.

We all participate in and even come to expect poor excuses, half-truths, embellishments, exaggerations, omissions. WE EXPECT TO BE LIED TO. Because it’s so damn effective in saving us from PAIN.

Pain… I am not the first to suggest that pain is an indication that something needs to be changed. That some-thing is wrong. Therefore, PAIN is highly functional- it not only facilitates our personal evolution, at times it saves our emotional and physical lives. If pain is such a useful tool, WHY DO WE AVOID IT? And why do we spend so much time helping our fellow humans avoid it?

I met a funny fellow the other evening. A self proclaimed Buddhist. For unrelated reasons, he explained that Buddhists believe not in seeking enlightenment, but rather in seeking to align themselves with their own higher truth. Above all else, TO BE TRUTHFUL TO ONESELF is the Buddhist mantra.

So with Buddha in mind, and assuming we all accept that sometimes there is benefit to fibbing that outweighs the iron-clad statute of SPEAK THE TRUTH…

Here is my RULE: Start by asking yourself, what is my intention when I lie? Does it come from a place of love (self-love or love for another person) or does it come from a place of FEAR?

Love? Lie away. Fear? Check yourself, bite the proverbial bullet, and bulldoze.